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Re: Chance- Chapter 1
Hi! I'm here to review your story. ^^ It’s flames danced in my eyes and I began to reminisce to myself, getting lost in my thoughts. Its, not it's. Because ...
May 19, 2009 -
Re: Hellfire
Hi! I'm here to review! (duh) Sorry if the review will seem mean in any way. Anyway, here we go. And why am I just now finding out about it? ...
May 19, 2009 -
Re: Let me be {Prologue}
Hello! I'm going to review your work today! Also, she was very angry because she thought that I didn't deserve this Furious would be a better word for 'very angry'. ...
Apr 27, 2009 -
Re: Immortal
Hi! I'm here to review your work. Let's begin, shall we? As I looked up at the merciless eyes of the man who intended to kill me, pitch black, at ...
Apr 25, 2009 -
Re: When Science Escapes (Edited)
Hi! I'm Banango and I'm here to review your work. Let's start. Her voice was monotonic, and it sounded as if it was only her thick pay check that kept ...
Apr 25, 2009 -
Re: Lurker
Hi! I'm going to review your work today. The road with all its corrosive orange streetlights looked like some big centipede with fluorescent legs, too bright and not to mention ...
Apr 25, 2009 -
Re: Escape From Atlanta (Prologue)
Hey there! I'm going to review your work. First of all, the huge block of text isn't attracting many reviewers. It almost scared me away too. Try breaking it up ...
Apr 25, 2009 -
Re: Violet - Chap. 1
Hi! I will be reviewing! XD Anyway, here's the review. Many of them were sitting upright, with eyes wide open. Many of them sat upright would be better because it ...
Apr 25, 2009 -
Re: I Saw the Red
Hi! I liked your piece. Is the narrator the Grim Reaper? Anyway, on to the review! I saw the red. The red. Repetitive. It kind of destroys the mood. The ...
Apr 24, 2009 -
Re: All But the Humans
Hello!! I'm going to review your piece. Lavender was asleep on the ground, her head resting on Lunar's back. Try the active voice. Lavender slept on the ground... Makes it ...
Apr 24, 2009 -
Re: So You Want to Rule the World?
Hey! Great piece. Anyway, I only have a very small nitpick. If you do not fit into any of these categories, we are sorry to say that you may not ...
Apr 24, 2009 -
Re: Battleground
Hi! Here I am to review. First off, try to avoid the -ly words. They lean to telling. Of course, don't go overboard and use none, but use as little ...
Apr 23, 2009 -
Re: Coffee for One
Hm, interesting story. In my opinion, (please don't chew me out for this, it's a personal quirk of mine) a piece written in the present tense is confusing. Only her ...
Apr 20, 2009 -
Re: Disaster: Prologue
This is my opinion. I hope it helps. “I can’t Java; I think it should be "I can't, Java; It would be less confusing that way. Since Java had arrived, ...
Mar 27, 2009 -
Re: Illusions of Life
The beginning's a little common, but it's all right. There's a reason it's used often - it's a successful method. The way you write...there's something about it that's somewhat strange. ...
Nov 11, 2008
